Your Team is Watching What You Do To Yourself
Why are you the last person on your own list?
I ask because I was that person for years. I ran businesses where everyone else got looked after. Staff rosters sorted. Customer problems fixed at 9pm. Suppliers paid. And me, running on coffee and adrenaline, telling myself I would rest when things calmed down.
Things never calmed down.
When we owned Aquaduck, I had stretches where I worked seven days, 12 - 14 hours a day and called it commitment. I told myself the team needed me to keep going. What I did not see for a long time was that the team was watching me. And what I was teaching them, without saying a word, was that this is what working here looks like. Burn yourself out. Skip lunch. Answer the phone on your day off.
I had it backwards.
Why you may never be #1 on your list - and how to change that.
What I got wrong
For years I thought looking after myself was selfish. Like if I took an afternoon off or said no to a meeting, I was letting everyone down. So I gave and gave and waited for someone to notice I was running on empty.
Nobody noticed.
Why would they.
I had built a business where the owner over worked and was exhausted.
Then a staff member said something to me that stuck. I had finally started leaving on time a couple of days a week. She said "it's good to see you actually go home." Not a big speech. Just that. And it landed because I realised she had been watching me run myself into the ground, and she had assumed that was the price of the job.
The penny dropped.
I was not protecting my team by sacrificing myself.
I was showing them that sacrifice was the deal.
The research backs this up
I am not just telling you a feeling here. The numbers are real.
A global study from The Workforce Institute at UKG surveyed 3,400 people across 10 countries. It found that 69% of employees say their manager impacts their mental health, more than their doctor at 51% or their therapist at 41%, and the same as their spouse or partner. Read that again. Your people are getting as much of a mental health hit, or lift, from you as they get from the person they share a bed with.
That is a lot of responsibility. And here is the part owners miss.
You cannot give your team something you do not have yourself.
There is solid research on this too. A study published in BMC Public Health looked at 191 leaders and 604 team members across 50 teams. It found that the stronger a leader's health-orientation towards themselves, what the researchers called self-care, the stronger their health-orientation was towards their employees. A leader's own self-care was linked to higher work engagement and lower exhaustion, and that flowed through to better working conditions for their teams.
So the owner who looks after herself is not taking something from the team. She is the reason the team gets looked after at all.
What it feels like when you’ve been putting yourself last for too long
What this actually looks like
For me, this is not about bubble baths and motivational quotes. It is about giving yourself the basic things you need to function and letting your team see you do it.
When I started taking proper breaks, the business did not fall over. When I started saying "I am not available this weekend" out loud instead of just hoping nobody called, two things happened. My head got clearer. And my team started doing the same. They saw it was allowed.
A leader who is rested makes better decisions.
A leader who is exhausted snaps, micromanages, and misses the obvious.
Trust me, I have been both, and I know which one my staff preferred to work for.
The research from the Center for Creative Leadership puts it simply. When employees have a sense of wellbeing, they are more engaged and creative, with higher job satisfaction and productivity. But that wellbeing does not start with a fruit bowl in the break room. It starts with you.
So what do you actually need
I suggest you stop and ask yourself a question most owners never ask. What do I need from this business to do my job well and still have a life?
Not what the business need from me. You ask that one every day. The other one.
For some of you it is a real day off.
For some it is one morning a week where the phone stays in the drawer.
For some it is finally hiring the person who takes the job you hate off your plate.
For some it is just permission to leave at five without guilt.
Whatever it is, here is what I want you to understand. When you give yourself that thing, you are not stealing it from the business. You are modelling for every person who works for you what a healthy working life looks like. And they will follow you there.
Where to start
A few things I suggest you do this week.
Write down the one thing you need most right now and have been denying yourself. Be honest. Look at it.
Take that one thing, this week, in full view of your team. Do not sneak it. Let them see you do it.
Watch what happens. Notice who else starts taking their break, leaving on time, asking for what they need.
You set the temperature in your business. If you run yourself into the ground, that becomes the standard.
If you look after yourself, that becomes the standard too. The choice is yours, and your team is waiting to see which one you pick.
Me first, then my family, then the business. I used to have that order completely backwards. Getting it right was the best thing I ever did for my people.
If you are running on empty and want to talk through what your business actually needs to look after you better, call me on 0491 729 043.
I have been where you are, and I can help.